The Bitter Experience

A Bitter Experience

So as it turns out today I completely blew my Business Calculus Exam. I was completely taken by surprise on the exam and the pace at which we were supposed to take it.

When I began taking it I thought I was on a roll and that I was going to walk through the exam with ease. Then the exam began to tighten its grip like a snake curling around my neck and as I worked through the problem it kept getting tighter and tighter. I started to feel the pressure because the exam began throwing many curveballs at me and although I understood the material, I knew it would take me time to come up with the formulas I needed to solve the problems. Time became my worst enemy because I realized that the seconds kept on going and there was no way to stop time or save myself. I started to panic when I saw much time had passed and when I heard the professor say “five minutes left”

At that point I knew I wasn’t going to survive this exam and I felt hopeless and shattered.

When she collected the exams I felt in shock and in disbelieve. I kept thinking that it was all a nightmare and that I would wake up any second to the smell of coffee like I always do. Unfortunately I didn’t . The reality is that I didn’t finish the exam. I barely finished half if anything.  

I immediately felt anger at myself and I began to think at how many people I might have let down. I thought about the wedding rings that my mother gave up so I can go to school and I thought about the confidence my family and a close friend had in me. I thought about the sacrifices and the hopes of not just myself, but of everyone who engraved a piece of them in me.

As I was taking the bus home, when I began to recognize old patters within myself. I stepped back within my consciousness and realized that I was starting to attack myself and that I was becoming my own enemy. Then somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered my old mentor ‘s words “here’s the world’s smallest violin, let me play you a sad song for your o so miserable self ‘mee-mee-mee’”

It was then that I felt as if another familiar presence inside me was telling me “you screwed up, so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don’t you DO something about it” and that’s when I snapped. I stopped looking at myself as a target and I began to plan a different plan of attack for the calculus class. I thought about alternatives and possibilities and I took this bitter experience as a way of knowing what I can expect for the rest of the class. I remember climbing out of the same hole before and I will reach for the stars yet again. After all, “A true test of character is how you deal with life when things are looking down rather than going well.” J.B …… I’ll add that to my list of things to remember when I find myself in a difficult position.

Thank you to all of you who support me and believe in me. Now it’s time to hit the books.

Manhood by P.V

The loser has to lose to win
The winner is just a loser that lost
It's harder to lose than it is to win
To win this war you have to lose
If the loser wins, the war is lost

"Abominable" by Charles Christopher week 3

A very interesting strip this week. Nothing but the sounds of nature. After a heavy weekend it's always good to sit back and find something that can relax you so that you can be ready for the next week. What a great way to end a weekend. I myself feel like joining these animals.

Assignment 3 "Dune" by Frank Herbert

So this week my English professor assigned the class to discuss why their respective winter books are the best out of the three selections. I was assigned to read the science fiction book known as Dune and its sequel Dune Messiah.  The other titles were Foundation and Ender’s Game, both also science fiction novels. Dune attracted me more though because I read some reviews about it and it didn’t sound as abstract as the others. I will have to admit that science fiction is not my personal favorite genre but I did put the effort to grasp Dune at its fullest.

I haven’t read the other two novels so it’s difficult to make a fair comparison but I can, however, discuss how great Dune is compared to other novels I read. To start, I looked at the history behind the book and made a couple of connections. Frank Herbert, the writer of Dune, became well known during the mid-sixties. This means that when he was growing up he was witness to the many scientific achievements the world was going through at the time. This includes the development of the space program and the moment when humanity first set a foot in the moon. It was also a very political time where many different forms of government were in a quarrel. All these ingredients surely inspired Mr. Herbert and his imagination to create the Dune saga. The imagination and the politics are very clear in the book and they are something that makes the book timeless. I say this because there will always be politics and the imagination gives readers something to always look forward to in the future.  The younger readers who don’t completely understand politics can surely enjoy a good story.

Another thing that makes this book so great is the fact that Frank Herbert made it so fascinating. The story takes place in a different planet and it involves colossal space ships and enormous sand worms. It’s very difficult to make a reader picture something that s/he has never seen before and this book allows readers to not just picture that abstract object or person, but also its unnatural size. The detail, the suspense, and the emotions Frank Herbert emphasized in the book make the reader feel as if s/he is really there. The book has drama, comedy, and all kinds of suspense that makes the reader feel like they are in a rollercoaster ride. Time feels like it becomes something both physical and moldable because it of the foreshadowing and the different histories collapsing in the present.  As a reader, one understands what is going to happen but goes along with the story anyway and when that event does happen, the reader is still surprised.  One hour of reading feels like a year in the world of dune and the book just grabs you and it becomes really hard to let go until you find yourself near the end. To fully understand I would strongly recommend this book for any reader.

Through the Eyes of a Gangster

It was a foggy white moon and they were side by side

A little child with older brother going home that night

They didn’t own a cell phone and had no change for a ride

It seems the basketball game lost their track with time

A perfect night for a crime because the fog was getting thicker

They took another rout so they would get home quicker

Then a car came around and shot the little one down

The older one saw his brother as he fell to the ground

The silence pierced with a shout of horror bursting aloud

The older one is crying out but no one's helping him out

The blood just kept poring out no mater how hard he tried

To pressurize the hemorrhage and cut the bleeding inside

But in the fight to stay alive, he knew that death had arrived

He held his little brother tight and told him go to the light

Everything will be alright and they will be together soon

That night he died, it was a foggy white moon

From "Abominable" by Charles Christopher

Yup, everyone in their family has someone like this. These birds are some of my favorite characters from the entire comic. I remember my father once tried to sneak out the same way and my mother had the same expression on her face.

When will the nightmare end?

These first few weeks of school in CSUN have been like a free-for-all fight for many students because of the difficult predicament that the school finds itself in. The school enrolled about 3,000 more students that it was supposed to and now many students are fighting for a seat in a class they might need to advance towards their major. Permission numbers, which are needed to add a class, are frozen and this forces many students to take a part-time role because they can't get enough classes in their schedule. Getting a part-time role might reduce the amount of financial aid for some students who might desperately need the money. About 2,800 students are in danger of being dropped from the university if it doesn't receive the necessary funding it needs to support all it's students. Many groups have gathered to protest against the injustice because this “freeze” might delay their graduation date by a whole semester. It's safe to assume that many of these “endangered” individuals are sophomores I say this because freshmen get priority to chose their classes since they're new to the school and seniors get priority because they're on their way to graduation. This puts the juniors and sophomores at the end of the line. Juniors might have more opportunities because they are on their way to becoming seniors so this leaves the sophomores in dead last. With the budget cuts, it's hard enough to find a class and graduate in four years but when problems like these arise, it makes it seem impossible. Many of these students have shed much work and effort so that they can achieve their goals. Many have sacrificed so much and it is terrible that they are being denied the right to study in such an unfair manner. Where is all the money that the students paid to attend the school? How is it being invested? How is it that the school needs 7 million dollars to keep so many students from being dropped. What's going to happen to all of these students who came in with ambitions and dreams of achieving success in their lives? I understand the pressure that the school board might be facing and the stress that it must be under. Dropping so many students, however, is not the way to go. It's not the student's fault that the school went over their cap and landed in a 7 million dollar deficit Nor is it fair that the students are now in danger of paying for a some unnecessary extra semesters which are also rising in costs. I do hope that this issue gets resolved soon. I'm currently a second semester freshmen. This means that if the problem doesn't get resolved soon, I might be in danger next year. From personal experience, I can identify with many of these students and their families. Going against the current is never easy but it's never been impossible either. Situations like these can brake a person and one must ask: When will the nightmare end?